An Insight into Life as a Sex Worker [Part Two]

💌 This blog & our related emails and social media posts were created with the input from 3 current sex workers/strippers who work across Aotearoa and overseas. These three are a part of our Altitude Sex Worker Panel who are contracted to help guide us here at Altitude on how best to honour our pole roots and show up for our local sex worker communities.

It’s important to acknowledge that every individual's journey and perspective is unique. This blog reflects the experiences and opinions of those on our panel, but it may not capture every nuance or viewpoint - nor is it meant to be a reflection of the industry and worker experiences as a whole, but more of just an insight from a few.

Therapist, Artist, Entrepreneur. Each of these titles are often viewed with high regard. And yet the title of Sex Worker, someone who encompasses all of these titles within their role, is viewed in a very different light.

Sex workers/strippers face stigma from society on a daily basis. They can experience unfair working conditions, dangerous environments and judgement all because society deems their job title less than. As pole dance studios, we exist because of the sex workers and strippers that paved the way for us. We're here to help fight with and for our sex worker communities and remind everyone that sex work is real work.

We asked three local sex workers, Ivy, Sabeen & Lilith six questions about their experiences within the industry. These questions were aimed at providing an insight into what it's really like working in the clubs and to shed some light on the challenges they face being a part of the industry.

In part two we talk about the stigma attached to sex work/stripping and how it affects them. Check out their answers below 🩷 Haven't read part one? Find it here. 

Question Three: How does the stigma of stripping affect your everyday life?

Lilith: "The stigma of sex work is truly exhausting. The simple act of introducing myself to new people outside of the club sparks an identity crisis. I have to deduct who they know, if they will potentially turn up in the club or at my day job, and how they will treat me if they learn I am a SWer; all before I have said my name.

I've always disliked small talk, but now small talk feels like a mine field of names, jobs, where you're from, who do you know, etc. All of these can be used against you if someone decided they want to."

Sabeen: "The stigma around sex work shapes how I navigate all areas of my life. I am privileged in that I have aspects of my identity society considers “acceptable,” which I can lean into when I need to in order to access certain spaces or communities. But I am constantly managing what I reveal, telling cover stories, or leaving parts of my life unspoken. For someone who struggles with anxiety, the mental gymnastics this requires is exhausting and seriously impacts my mental health.

I’m sad that there are so many moments of significance I cannot share with some of the people closest to me. Even though I have supportive friends, there are many areas where I hide aspects of my identity, including the values and mahi I am proud of. Most of my family do not know, so when I spoke in parliament on sex worker labour rights, I cannot share or celebrate those moments with them. It creates a distance in relationships that I wish did not exist. But because of how stigma shapes people’s perceptions of sex work, and how I have seen those biased views show up in comments from family or friends, it has often felt easier to maintain the secret.

The online world is another challenge. In supportive spaces with colleagues and allies, I find affirmation and community. Step outside those spaces, though, and the hostility is immediate. Sex worker content is censored or shadowbanned, and comments on articles or social media often reveal society’s persistent judgment.

Stigma also shapes how I experience dating. I have had people treat me as someone to fulfil fantasies rather than as a person to love and respect, and many are unwilling to face the judgment they might encounter from family or friends. Even now, in a healthy relationship, I am unpacking years of internalised shame and devaluation. I also wrestle with guilt over the ways the stigma, or the need to maintain secrecy, might affect him. Even though the blame lies with the stigma rather than me. I question whether I am worth the effort of navigating that. It takes ongoing work to feel worthy and to embrace that I deserve love not despite being a sex worker, but fully as who I am."

Ivy: "There is an arduously long list of answers I could give to this. So I will honour you with the most deeply vulnerable and what I’d consider profound; My own self perception and image. 

I’ve so deeply internalised whorephobia**, (as we all inherently have), that I often perceive myself through this severely critical lens that society does. I can often feel as though I’m useless, have no skills, that I’m unintelligent, damaged, traumatised, broken in some way so that I cannot function in a ‘regular,’ industry/job/lifestyle. 

These harsh labels we categorise Sex Workers into, so insidiously burrowed into the recesses of my brain, it is an active challenge to not identify with them. I often feel shame when sharing my job, or comparing it to others in my life, feeling as though my work isn’t “real work.”"

**Definition of Whorephobia: Whorephobia refers to the negative stereotypes, stigma, and marginalization sex workers face, which stems from the pervasive condemnation, judgement. and hatred of sex workers. Resource here.

Question Four: Does the stigma stop you from doing anything?

Lilith: "The stigma stops me from being a whole person. Despite loving what I do, I still cannot be Lilith; the sex worker, advocate, performer, pole competition owner and instructor, with my family and corporate career colleagues. Just as I cannot share my corporate career and personal life in the club, in fear that I will be harassed, stalked or blackmailed."

Sabeen: "Yes, it does, in subtle and obvious ways. The stigma has made me hesitant to fully engage in pole classes or studios where I am unsure how my background as a sex worker will be received. I have sometimes felt that my skill or movement is undervalued, or that I might be judged. 

It also affects work outside the industry, because I am scared of how putting “stripper/sex worker” on my CV could impact me. I have often taken on other jobs that I have had to juggle alongside working nights to cover gaps in my work history, even though my experience in sex work has given me so many transferable skills. 

In the mental health system, I have stopped seeking/utilising much needed support because of how biased I have found many therapists against sex work. In relationships and dating, it can be hard to trust others or feel fully seen. 

The more years I spend in the industry, the more exhausted I feel by the potential emotional labour that can come with navigating people’s reactions to my job and how they view me. Essentially, stigma shapes what I feel safe doing and where I feel welcome, which can limit opportunities and experiences that should be accessible to everyone."

Ivy: "Aside from how detrimental negative self image can affect how we interact with ourselves, others and the wider world. Another prominent way in which the stigma stops me from doing anything, is from attending pole classes or building community in the pole space. 

I’ve had some pretty uncomfortable experiences in studios and feel an innate alienation from these spaces. Often feeling as though I will be judged for my “incorrect,” forms and inability to do “basic” moves because I’m self taught from a Strip Club and not from a set curriculum. 

I don’t feel comfortable or safe, to embody/express myself in the sensual manner that is such a fundamental aspect of my flow. Pole dancing is one of the most important aspects of my life and I would love to be able to expand and evolve outside of my own self learnings, while feeling safe and comfortable to exist in these spaces authentically."

These experiences are so honest, vulnerable and real. Each of us has experienced what it's like to have negative self talk, or the feeling of being judged or perceived by others and we understand the mental strength it can take to truly back yourself and show up in the world. Imagine having those experiences being a part of your day to day? Constantly battling against a society that continues to shed disapproval on an industry you love and wish could be accepted. Fearing for your own safety because someone else doesn't view you or the work you do as equal to the rest of the world.

These experiences are that of just a few people working in the industry and do not represent every single sex worker out there but they matter. And as society, we need to do better by them - especially as hobby pole dancers. Our pole roots are from the clubs. If we want to enjoy all of delights that pole dancing has to offer, we must appreciate it's origins and respect those working within the industry that paved the way for us  🩷

Read about the industry, learn from sex workers, advocate for change. Use your voice to help educate your friends and whānau. 👏 Sex 👏 work 👏 is 👏 real 👏 work - let's treat it that way. 

In our final part of this series, we ask our panelists what they wish society understood about sex work and what they would say to a beginner pole dancer.

Read Part Three here.

Blog proudly written by a human, not a robot x